Unimportance
by friendlyneighborhoodcanarystan
Summary: She'd let her selfishness go on for far too long.


She'd only look at him when absolutely necessary and even then, she was deliberate on making sure their eye contact was brief. He hadn't felt this hurt in a while but it was hard not to when their relationship had evolved to the point where he couldn't go a day without wanting everything about her ingrained in him. He thought that after her letting him in that she'd never rescind but apparently, he'd been a fool to believe so.

Alluka and Canary had been close prior to the older woman icing him out but now they were closer than ever, wishing that the strengthening of their bond hadn't come at the expense of a wrench being thrown in their relationship. It's a beautiful day out, Killua trying to force himself to look upwards at the cloudless, pretty blue sky as he sits against a tree but he just can't peel his eyes away from something he considers to be far prettier.

Alluka may not consider herself to be as intelligent as her wonderful big brother but her intelligence doesn't fall short enough for her to not notice the change in her brother and friend's relationship. Where once she felt at peace while walking between the two, now she feels sad because the energy between the three of them could never be as consistent as it once was. If she was talking to Killua, there was a fluctuation in Canary's demeanor and vice versa when she'd talk to Canary. She wanted things to go back to how they were.

He'd finally chosen to do something other than stare at Canary, which was rest his eyes until an interruption happened upon him in the form of his precious little sister. Killua smiled at the feeling of her head resting in his lap, opening his eyes to look down at the pouting girl. He poked her cheek. "I don't like it when you make that face. Smile."

"How can I smile when you've been sad for days?"

That's not the answer he expected to hear from her, Killua's lips forming a thin line. He tried bouncing back, smiling at his sister. "Sad? What are you talking about, kiddo? Big Brother hasn't been sad."

Alluka scowled, something uncharacteristic of the sweet-tempered girl but she doesn't like being taken for a fool or lied to by the most important person in the world to her. "You promised to always be honest with me, Big Brother."

Killua sighed internally, unable to refute her statement. It's tempting to look up at Canary but then he'd give himself away but what with how smart his little sister was, he wouldn't be surprised if she'd already caught on to their relationship difficulties. "It's just...boring, unimportant adult stuff, kiddo."

"Love isn't unimportant!" Alluka fired back hotly.

Killua's lips parted in surprise at the younger girl's fieriness, blinking at her. The corners of his lips twitched with a promise of a small smile. Had he made his feelings for Canary that obvious? Heh, yeah, it's most definitely a good thing he'd resigned from being an assassin.

"And anyways, I'm an adult!"

Killua chuckled in amusement at the teenaged girl, playfully pinching her nose. "Of course you are, kiddo."

Since it was obvious the cat was out of the bag, Killua didn't see the point in continuing to maintain his cover, glancing up at Canary. She was polishing the crystal ball atop her signature staff, the split second where her concentration faltered telling Killua that she was aware of his gaze on her. The hope that she'd look at him was briefly drowned out by an overwhelming sense of love. Yes, it was a good thing, indeed, that he'd retired from being an assassin.

Gotoh would chastise her if he were still here, would tell her that she was lucky to still even be alive right now, would tell her that she might as well discontinue her work for the Zoldycks altogether, since she made it abundantly clear that she didn't take her job seriously in the slightest. She really missed him. And maybe it was because she was missing him so much that she'd come out here to sit by the river. There was a sudden break in the inner peace and melancholy she'd felt, Canary rising up at the feeling of Killua's presence.

She always looked the most beautiful to him in the moonlight. Maybe that's why he'd been so unable to keep himself from kissing her at night, why he couldn't keep his hands from tearing her clothes off her body. "Can I ask you something, Canary?"

She turns to face the man, keeping her eyes down on the grass, folding her hands out in front of her. "Of course, Killua-sama."

He can't help but clench his jaw at "Killua-sama". "Do you want me to take you back to the estate?" Well, she's finally looking at him like he's been wanting her to for some time now but it's unfortunate that it happened under these circumstances.

Rarely has Canary ever been stricken speechless, her chest rising and falling unevenly as she stared at Killua.

He smiled sadly at her. "Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want to do is take you back to the mountain but then I'd just be being selfish."

She can read between the lines just fine, knows why he just admitted to not wanting to take her back to Kukuroo Mountain. She remembers what Gotoh would always use to tell her. _Stay alive._

"I make you uncomfortable," Killua continues. "So let's get you back to the estate."

The estate is the last place she wants to be, is the place she'd choose to never go back to if given the choice. Where she'd rather remain at is… Canary takes a deep breath, trying to clear her mind of such foolish thoughts. What she wanted didn't matter. Her job and staying alive did. So then why isn't her mouth moving to accept Killua's offer to take her back to the estate?

"I need an answer, Canary."

She wants to summon her staff to her hands, wants to squeeze at it over and over again to help quell the anxiety within her. "So…you and Alluka-sama no longer require my services, Killua-sama?"

It's clear that she's avoiding giving him a direct answer. He smiles. "Bringing you with us was never about us needing your help, Canary bird."

Everything that comes out of his mouth next will be all her fault, will be all because she couldn't answer a simple "yes or no" question.

"I was being selfish, Canary," Killua says plainly, finally picking his feet up and walking forward. There was nothing like witnessing her beauty up close, Killua supposing that's why it was so hard to control his body's need to be close to her. Since it's apparent that she won't look at him of her own accord, Killua raises her chin before gently cupping her face. "You've been avoiding me. Why?"

Just like all the times before, his touch is clouding her mind, is altering to the rhythm of her heart. "Because I put you in position where you have to choose between me and your family when I shouldn't have."

It didn't make sense for someone so smart to say such ridiculous things. "As if I'd ever choose _them_ over you, Canary bird."

"Killua-sama-"

She was about say something else stupid and that he didn't want to hear so his only option was to kiss her. He could feel his desire building from within him, his tongue swiping at her bottom lip.

Although, her response to his kiss is one of receptiveness, she keeps her arms at her side, afraid that if she wraps them around his neck that she'll fully submit to him. Her body craves more than just his kisses, Canary moaning against his lips.

He pulls away, not even close to having his fill of satisfaction and knowing just how to rectify that problem but he has to control himself. It's hard not to be influenced by his hormones at the moment so he keeps his hands on her perfect face, afraid that if they travelled down lower to her waist that they'd eventually start fiddling with the belt keeping her pants up.

"I don't say "I love you" lightly, Canary bird," Killua says softly, thumbs stroking her face.

She felt all her hopes of regaining control of this situation be dashed into bits. From what place was Gotoh watching her right now? Well, whether it was above or below, she had a feeling he was so disappointed in her.

"You still haven't given me an answer."

When had her main objective stopped being to stay alive? It was so freeing… Perhaps, that was why she kept falling back into Killua. "I don't want you to take me back to the mountain. I want to stay…with you."

Killua smiled tenderly at her, his hands falling down to rest on her waist before he leaned forward to claim her lips again.


End file.
